Its been three weeks now
I am in a pit
And facebook just reminding me that I experienced these (almost) same feeling one year ago.
I am depressed somehow.
Its started with recurring nightmares
A day that doesn't go well
A blurry week
A month of nothingness
It wasn't my job that get me stressed out. It wasn't nothing in particular. It was a build up emotion, expectation that never meet, demanding social interaction and everything else.
Though I wanted to blame
A dreadful book about the dying of feminism
A report about how we human, messed up again
A car that doesn't follow the rules
What really in my minds when i am in here.
How to die
The best way to die
How can i cause a fatal accident
I took two paracetamol this evening. How much do i need to shut my brain.
It messed up. I know
Thinking about the cause of it and how to end my life, its not gonna solve any problem.
So what i did;
I took two days off to clear my mind for the past two weeks. For me to get a better rest and to quit my routine for awhile. It helps in someway.
Now i think i need a new haircut. Shave my hair to clear my head (literally)
Dealing with all of this feeling heads on.
Eat a box of ice cream with chocolate chip. And floats.
Somehow listening to Mayday Parade.
Shut people.
And write. The good things about being here, my writing improve. Inspiration everywhere, everytime.
Yes i have been here before.
I don't deal with this well before.
I am more matured in someway.
I am trying to stop blaming people for my unhappiness.
I stop being an a*$ to people around me just because i try to get through some hell.
I pray for everyone to be in good health.
