Wednesday 13 December 2017

This is my forever

Today as i watch the sun going down, as i kick the dirt away from my shoes, i thought to myself this time its gonna be my forever.

This time i don't mind being tired. Even though i can't sleep tonight because of all the stimulation i feel during the day,  i will be fine.
Because right now i feel content.

This time i don't have to rehearse my script. I don't have to worry about my appearance. Even if i have food on my teeth, i will laugh.
Because right now i feel happy

This time i still argue about everything. I still want to win in an arguments even if i may be wrong. I will still ignore advice and warning.
Because this time i am matured

But...
As the sun going down
I remember
I also thought the 'last time' was my forever.

Last time
I was happy too
I was laughing too

The 'last time' that left me broken
It took away everything from me
(so i thought)
Everything i deem precious was lost
It was toxic

But it wasn't my forever

I barely pick myself up now

That is me
I am that girl who doesn't know how to love halfheartedly
A girl who put her everything into something and get broken every single time

I don't really sure if this is my forever
(though this is my present)

But i am sure i will pick my self up every time to find my forever