Its been three weeks now
I am in a pit
And facebook just reminding me that I experienced these (almost) same feeling one year ago.
I am depressed somehow.
Its started with recurring nightmares
A day that doesn't go well
A blurry week
A month of nothingness
It wasn't my job that get me stressed out. It wasn't nothing in particular. It was a build up emotion, expectation that never meet, demanding social interaction and everything else.
Though I wanted to blame
A dreadful book about the dying of feminism
A report about how we human, messed up again
A car that doesn't follow the rules
What really in my minds when i am in here.
How to die
The best way to die
How can i cause a fatal accident
I took two paracetamol this evening. How much do i need to shut my brain.
It messed up. I know
Thinking about the cause of it and how to end my life, its not gonna solve any problem.
So what i did;
I took two days off to clear my mind for the past two weeks. For me to get a better rest and to quit my routine for awhile. It helps in someway.
Now i think i need a new haircut. Shave my hair to clear my head (literally)
Dealing with all of this feeling heads on.
Eat a box of ice cream with chocolate chip. And floats.
Somehow listening to Mayday Parade.
And write. The good things about being here, my writing improve. Inspiration everywhere, everytime.
Yes i have been here before.
I don't deal with this well before.
I am more matured in someway.
I am trying to stop blaming people for my unhappiness.
I stop being an a*$ to people around me just because i try to get through some hell.
I pray for everyone to be in good health.